i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
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I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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