Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
