Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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