I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
what the fuck happened to the tacos
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
