My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
