as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
