Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
