Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
