Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
