1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
