She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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