i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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