You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
