dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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