She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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