and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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