its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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