i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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