yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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