1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
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