If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i think im in europe. pls send help
A bitchslap is in order.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
