She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
