How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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