it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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