Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
