If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
