maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
