I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I will pee on everything he values.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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