just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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