Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
