They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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