I am in a vortex of obligation.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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