im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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