Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
