Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize