I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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