best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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