You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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