Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
