Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she told me i tasted like america
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
