There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
