you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
