their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
