You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
