Plan B is the new Plan A
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Enjoy the penises
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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