I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
50% drunk capacity currently
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
