god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
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