Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
