omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
