i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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