I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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