im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
