bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
