Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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