I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
