Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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