You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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