Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
