Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Where is the hickey?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I think I sprained my soul last night
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
