why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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