he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
