I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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