I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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